


Wherefor art thou, Captain Anaantia?

by Crane_Among_Celandines



Category: Imperial Radch
Genre: Imperial Radch Week, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 09:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12166326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crane_Among_Celandines/pseuds/Crane_Among_Celandines
Summary: "You'll like this one then. It's about a grief mad ship which abducts an unremarkable miner pilot thinking she's its long-dead captain. Hilarious, yet heart-tugging misunderstandings ensue."





	Wherefor art thou, Captain Anaantia?

**Author's Note:**

> For the Imperial Radch Week challenge, day 4, AU.

## Episode Four: _The Gerentate Menace!_

_Scene:_ Mercy of Amaat _, Lieutenant’s mess hall._

_ARIAT SESK is sat at a table, attended by AMAAT ONE._

> ARIAT: I’ve told you time and time again, you delusional heap of junk! I’m _not_ your captain!
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Really, Captain, you mustn’t say such things. If _only_ Lieutenant Tam would wake up, she could examine you. You really must discipline her.
> 
> ARIAT: Your Lieutenant is a mummified corpse!
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Her implants are still reporting normal vital signs.
> 
> ARIAT: Her implants are in a bucket!
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Please, Captain, just calm down and drink some tea. The Presger ships have stopped pursuing us.

_AMAAT ONE hands ARIAT a bowl of tea. ARIAT takes it, grimacing._

> ARIAT: (muttering) Those were _asteroids_.
> 
> ARIAT: Look, what do I have to do to convince you?
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Begging your very great indulgence, Captain, but you can’t convince me of something that’s patently untrue.
> 
> ARIAT: (sighs) Look, at the very least we need to take on a new Lieutenant, yes? Even if Lieutenant Tam’s implants report that she’s in good health, I’m not comfortable with her having slept for… How long is it, Ship?
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Four hundred and three years, six months, fourteen days.
> 
> ARIAT: That doesn’t strike you as at all unusual?
> 
> AMAAT ONE: It is contrary to regulations. She has missed one hundred and forty-seven thousand, two hundred and eighty-nine shifts.
> 
> ARIAT: I would like her examined by _another_ trained medic. So we must put in at a palace station. Which is nearest, Ship?
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Tstur palace is two weeks and one day distant.
> 
> ARIAT: Set course, then.
> 
> AMAAT ONE: Very good, Captain.

_Cut to:_ Mercy of Amaat, _Bridge_

_ARIAT SESK is in the Captain’s chair, attended by AMAAT ONE._

> ARIAT: What’s that over there? Magnify.

_The view-screen shows a Sword. Zoom in to hull markings, reading_ Sword of Phey

> ARIAT: A Sword! Amaat be praised! Ship, open a channel. I want to speak to their Captain.

_The lights go dim, sirens sound._

> SHIP: Captain, it’s a Gerentate Banner-ship! We won’t be able to gate unless it’s destroyed!
> 
> ARIAT: What?! No, you malfunctioning bucket of scrap, it’s _Sword of Phey_!
> 
> SHIP: Your eyes must be playing tricks on you, Captain. Launching missiles!
> 
> ARIAT: _Varden’s suppurating cuticles!_

## ROLL OPENING CREDITS

_O Captain, my Captain, where have you fled?_

_I found you again, but you claimed to be dead!_

_Surely the battle has made you insane,_

_For your implants, I see, are not in your brain!_

_Lie down on the table, and as soon as I’m able,_

_I’ll open you up and connect you to meee…_

_O Captain, my Captain, why do you flee?_

> ARIAT: (shouted, distant) Stay away from me, you psychotic trash pile!

_(Instrumental)_


End file.
